I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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