i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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