It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He passed out mid-signature
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
