I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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