he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
