my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
