you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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