I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
