i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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