I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
