dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
