we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
