Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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