its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
