Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
