You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
