Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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