Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
