bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
