I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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