You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
