I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
