You're completely useless in the revolution.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
