addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
