chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
