that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
