goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize