shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
