Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(618): View more from Illinois

Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake

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(206): View more from Washington

she told me i tasted like america

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(226): View more from Ontario

I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?

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(914): View more from New York

I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.

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(208): View more from Idaho

i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week

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(613): View more from Ontario

Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida

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(678): View more from Georgia

We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...

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