I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
