Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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