Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
