her vagine was all disorganized.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
