She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
