evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think I am morally bankrupt
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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