We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
