is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
