last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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