So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was like eating out sand paper
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
