Tell her she can't have a vagina
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
