Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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