Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
