Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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