there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
