Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
