Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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