Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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