I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
