the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
