Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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