Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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