I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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