im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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