so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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