oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
