guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
