Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
