My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
