You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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