She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
