I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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