if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
